Just in from the Associated Press. . .
The anticipated trial of C.S., otherwise known as Common Sense, and his, I mean her…uh, (Oh my, folks, I am SO sorry for using gender related pronouns. It’s an unfortunate patriarchal labeling which I recognize to be offensive. Please forgive my insensitivity and let me start again. I promise not to do it again!)
This just came across the wire from Olympia, WA. The long-awaited trial of Common Sense and Common Sense’s partner-in-crime Accountability. . . (Oh, my goodness, that’s SO wrong to label anyone as a “partner-in-crime”. I mean, it is so Judeo-Christian to make the judgment that something or someone could be a criminal or have criminal intent. But this is Accountability on trial so of course He is SO guilty because HE, and I do mean HE, is completely representative of white privilege. How DARE anyone tell anyone else that what they’re doing is wrong. This is so demeaning and damaging to our self-esteem.)
Did I go off-script again? Excuse me for not staying with the story. . .
Common Sense and Accountability’s trial today in Olympia has been anticipated for months. Common Sense reportedly used traditional math, statistical analysis and facts in an attempt to undermine and subvert people’s thinking. Common Sense actually claimed there is such a thing as absolute truth! Unbelievable!
Accountability was on trial with Common Sense because “IT” reportedly dared to state there could be dire consequences for dismissing Common Sense’s findings. It has been reported that Common Sense has said, and I quote, “We have lost the ability to say what is actual truth. Any person can be immediately canceled i.e. lose their job, scholarships, social standing, etc. for stating gender is obvious at birth, questioning governmental approved science, observing that an unborn baby is more than a blob of fetal tissue or debating the agendas of either BLM or LBGTQ.”
Accountability had the temerity to state, “Whether or not people believe in consequences, there are natural consequences which WILL take place when ignoring my friend Common Sense and the obvious truths Common Sense espouses.” Accountability was reportedly unmoved by any emotional appeal or perceived preferences for autonomy that did not account for actual facts in a situation.
(Wow! How dare Common Sense and Accountability attempt to make anyone think what they think or perceive is wrong. They are unfeeling, hateful bigots and deserve having the book thrown at them!)
Accountability recently attempted to illustrate the point with the latest Washington State Supreme Court ruling regarding a person’s knowledge of drug possession on either their person or property. The court ruled that “Unintentional, unknowing possession of a controlled substance is the sort of innocent, passive nonconduct that falls beyond the State’s police power to criminalize.”
Accountability argued for the courts to consider Common Sense’s facts regarding the detrimental effects of drugs such as heroin, cocaine, meth, etc not only on the individuals addicted to them, but to society in order to sway the courts opinion for continued policing of felony drug possession.
Thankfully, Common Sense and Accountability arguments were dismissed by the Supreme Court. We absolutely cannot have police enforcing laws on personal drug possession or, now that we consider it, the right to have peaceful protests while taking over property & businesses – that would definitely be an infringement on our personal rights!
In their trial, Common Sense and Accountability have been found guilty of treason, attempting to overthrow current social mores and insensitivity to others personal feelings and convictions. Their desire to debate these issues brought upon them the full force of the court. They will be serving consecutive sentences each for inciting insecurity in others, questioning authority, hate-speech, intolerance and supporting and promoting white privilege. Any known associates that share their convictions will be imprisoned along with Common Sense and Accountability until they are “woke.”
This is Eric (I’m identifying as male today) reporting to you near the fenced area of the state’s capitol grounds.
Later the day of the report. . .
What? I’ve been canceled?!? There are complaints about this story and my reporting of it? I was quoting Common Sense regarding the issues surrounding gender, BLM and LBGTQ! That’s not what I believe! I can’t lose MY job because of what someone else said, I was quoting them not saying I believe it myself! Context doesn’t matter?!? I can’t believe it!